


Just Wanna Be With You

by roxashighwind



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Embarrassment, Getting Together, M/M, Masturbation, Non-Binary Lee Felix, Non-binary character, Proper Sex Toy Care, Shy Bang Chan, Still Idols, Virgin Bang Chan, getting caught
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:08:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28485123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roxashighwind/pseuds/roxashighwind
Summary: So he uses the silly pickup lines that Stay give him on Lix, always turning red and giggly halfway through and hiding his face because he knows he's embarrassing; if it also sort of saves him from admitting that he’s actually serious and possibly making everything awkward, who’s gonna judge him for it? (Answer to that rhetorical question: Changbin, Minho, and probably Jeongin if he knew the full extent to which Chris consistently wusses out re: Felix.)--Chris is a virgin, and it's fine, really. It's fine! He's fine. Maybe he's a little in love with one of his best friends. And that's fine, too. Maybe he really wants to Do The Sex with said friend. Maybe he wants to hold their hand, and cuddle, and all of the soft things even more. Problem is, he's definitely too chickenshit to actually do anything about it.Until he isn't.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 4
Kudos: 121





	Just Wanna Be With You

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello thank you for joining me. 
> 
> a friend may or may not have told me that they have a bit of a virginity kink and that made my 'chris is secretly actually a virgin despite how horny he comes off sometimes' brain worms wiggle with glee. this spawned initially as a messy headcanon session sent in messenger, only to slide into actual fic shape about halfway through thanks to their encouraging responses to the parts as i sent them. one could say that the spirit of chanlix moved me to slap about 3k of fic into the chat, and the need to share virgin chris with the world had me cleaning it up for posting. 
> 
> they/them lee felix is very important to me in particular
> 
> i have Thoughts about what happens in the future of this universe but who knows if/when anything will come of it. but know that i Am Thinking about it. 
> 
> title from: Wow by Lee Know, Hyunjin, Felix (Stray Kids)

Changbin knows that Chris is a virgin. He only found out when Chris got drunk and spilled the beans. He had drunkenly whined about wanting to get dicked by Lix and bemoaned the fact that he's never even gotten a handjob before - okay it was PART of a handjob, but they were both super awkward and no one actually got off and it was a bad time all around. Chris isn't one hundred percent sure if it actually happened - Changbin hasn't said anything and it's been a few months, and at this point Chris is too scared to ask.

Chris is insanely grateful that Changbin isn't evil like Minho and Hyunjin and Jeongin can be, that it’s Changbin holding on to this secret of his.

He gets so giggly and red whenever conversation goes sexual because he  _ wants _ to experience the things but also doesn't want to tell on himself that he  _ hasn’t _ already experienced them. Chris also has a  _ very _ active imagination and vividly pictures what's being talked about and it's  _ dangerous  _ to think about that kinda stuff around the others because Chris gets hard easily, the same way that Hyunjin does while performing, and he's the  _ leader _ and eldest hyung! He needs to behave himself.

Realizing that he's into Lix in a romantic and sexual way on top of wanting to be their best friend and support them as Aussie Bros and their leader and all that... it's fucking  _ terrible _ . He knows the others are starting to catch on that his feelings for Lix are a conscious thing and have changed. Chris thinks that  _ maybe _ Lix would be receptive to his feelings, possibly, maybe, a little bit? He’s insisted that he’s straight for so long whenever asked that he’s vaguely worried that it may have ruined any chance he might have with Lix.

On top of  _ all that _ , he's spent so long pretending to know what sex is like beyond the abstract. He  _ knows _ from late night tipsy group talks about Sex Things They Like And/Or Have Done And/Or Want To Do that Lix is Experienced and he doesn't want to be disappointing. The charade has been going on for long enough that he just  _ can’t:  _ can’t live up to whatever experiences Lix has had before, can’t tell them how he feels, can’t can’t can’t can’t. So he uses the silly pickup lines that Stay give him on Lix, always turning red and giggly halfway through and hiding his face because he knows he's embarrassing; if it also sort of saves him from admitting that he’s actually serious and possibly making everything awkward, who’s gonna judge him for it? (Answer to that rhetorical question: Changbin, Minho, and probably Jeongin if he knew the full extent to which Chris consistently wusses out re: Felix.)

And maybe when he tries to be brave and actually tell Lix how he feels, in an attempt to at least get  _ that _ secret off his chest, he chickens out and decides "a sex toy will be enough. this is a Good Decision and Nothing Will Go Wrong." Chris, ever the overacheiver, buys three different sex toys that are rated highly as  _ Very Good For Anal _ \- he knows he wants to get dicked and he's never had a prostate orgasm (he's tried okay, but he's only ever had his own fingers and has never gotten the angle right) and he would Like To Try. 

Chris likes to think he's good at being quiet - no one has ever caught him jerking it as far as he knows - and technically he's supposed to have the dorm to himself for at least a couple hours because the others have insisted that he gets some rest and they'll leave him alone. It's the Perfect Time To Try.

In a shocking turn of events, Chris discovers that using a ton of lube and something that isn't his fingers Changes Things. He still doesn't think he's being particularly loud - maybe a little more vocal than he'd normally be as he works the dildo into himself at an angle that makes him feel like his skeleton is about to hatch out of its flesh prison. He's on his knees because he read that it's easier to Get There that way, has one shoulder on the bed, upper body twisted just enough to make it easier to work the dildo into himself. His dick is leaking all over the bed and it feels like his knees are going to turn to jelly with how good everything feels. 

He's panting and whining into his rumpled sheets and Feeling It, he's So Close, and his brain conjures the thing that's been pushing him over the edge quickest recently: Lix's deep voice in his ear, softly encouraging him, telling him he looks gorgeous flushed pink and being so good for him. The thought of Lix watching him, directing him to go a little faster, peppering him with praise... 

He comes without touching his dick, body gripping the dildo and making the orgasm feel Even Better and while he  _ thinks _ he keeps it in his head the way he always does, he groans " _ Lix~ _ " as the orgasm feels like it Keeps Going Forever.

When he finally collapses into a puddle of cooling jizz and shivering limbs, he feels wrung out and boneless. It's good. And maybe he knows a little more about himself (he really, genuinely likes anal?? and he's so gone for Lix, fuck, he can't keep pretending that he's not) but he tries to to think about much of anything as he comes down. He knows he needs to clean up, and whines at the thought of needing to move. He whimpers as he pulls the dildo out and drops it next to his hip, whines at the feeling of emptiness it leaves in its wake. Chris hides his face in his sheets and relaxes into the post-orgasm jelly feeling until he can't stand the feeling of the come under his belly any longer. 

He pulls on boxer briefs and the biggest, softest sweater he owns, and strips the bedding off to put in the wash. Wad of sheets in one hand, dildo in the other, Chris still thinks he's alone, is sure that it hasn't been  _ that _ long and the others shouldn't be home just yet. He thinks he's safe to wander post-orgasm-sleepy through the dorm to the laundry room only to see Changbin and Jisung and a very red Lix in the living room.

Chris is stock still for a second before he keeps moving to the laundry room. He needs to wash the sheets before they stain, and he's going to pretend that he's not holding a decently sized bright purple dildo as he goes. He's just doing laundry, nothing to see here, nothing to say, nothing to Notice. 

_ "Well there's your answer! It's purple!"  _

_ "Shut the fuck UP Jisung, oh my god."  _

_ "You did ask, Lix." _

_ "Shhhh you guys are so LOUD." _

Chris feels like he could fry an egg on his face. What had they heard? Lix wondered about what his dildo looked like? How long had they been in the dorm? Did they know he was using a sex toy when they heard whatever they did? He feels a little sick, embarrassed, and tries to focus on getting the washer started. 

_ "He's so-" _

Jisung's laugh is loud through the open laundry room door.  _ "Can't believe he got so loud."  _

_ "Like you guys don't get loud when you think you're alone. Stop being weird about this, he's already going to be embarrassed that we caught him doing cleanup." _ Changbin's voice is firm, and then the dorm is silent except for the sound of water rushing to fill the washer. 

Chris wants to hide in the sweater, maybe have the black void of it swallow him up so he doesn't have to deal with any of this. He does need to clean the fake dick he's still holding, and he's a responsible sex toy owner dammit, so he sucks it up and heads to the bathroom - very pointedly ignoring the three in the living room.

Changbin corners him in the bathroom while he's in the middle of fisting the dildo clean and he splashes water all over the counter and nearly drops it in the sink. 

"Just so we're clear -"

"I'm just trying to clean this dick, Binnie, do we really need to talk right now?"

Changbin motions for Chris to continue what he’s doing. "I'm not going to stop you. I just thought you should know how much we heard."

It's probably clean but Chris squirts a bit more toy cleaner onto it just to be completely sure. If he focuses on the task at hand, he might be able to pretend that Changbin isn’t there. "Let me die of embarrassment in peace." 

Changbin, bless and damn him, continues as though Chris hasn't said anything. "Heard you come, obviously. But we also heard you call out for Lix."

His face is on fire, the back of his neck itches with dried sweat and the heat of his mortification. "I figured."

"You should probably actually Talk to Lix."

"Yeah, probably." Chris hates the way he can hear the capital T on talk.

Changbin holds out a clean hand towel (he knows it's clean because none of them use the hand towels). "I think it's clean now, hyung."

Chris takes it, turns off the faucet, and wraps the towel around the dildo to dry it. He hasn't looked at Changbin at all through this, and he makes himself smaller in the bulk of his sweater, trying to disappear. 

"Hey. Chris. Hyung. It's okay, y'know? Everyone's heard everyone else, and no one judges anyone on what they say when they come." Changbin nudges him until Chris finally looks at him. "Need a hug?"

He loves and hates how easily Changbin can read him, and he gives a tiny nod. Changbin's arms wrap around him immediately, and Chris doesn't feel like he's the taller one here, lets himself get squeezed and relaxes a little under his friend's care. Changbin presses an obnoxious kiss to his shoulder to get him to laugh, and it works, and Chris stands a little straighter. 

"Talk to them. It's time." 

Chris sighs; Changbin's probably right and that makes him a little pouty. "You're not my dad."

"Good for you that I'm not! He would have made you talk to Lix when you first realized you have feelings."

Chris scrunches his face up, gives Changbin the finger, and carries his towel-wrapped dildo out of the bathroom. He doesn't look into the living room as he passes, intent on getting back to his room to put the dick away before he looks at or talks to anyone else. Turns out he didn't need to worry: Jisung and Lix aren't in the dorm, and he hears Changbin leave not long after he finally gets the dildo stashed in the bag with its siblings in his closet.

It's a mistake, he knows it is, but he finds himself crawling into Lix's bed since his own doesn’t have sheets and he’s  _ tired _ . He's admitted to liking Lix’s more than his own before - most of the members have said the same - and he does spend a lot of time on Lix's bed normally so it's not  _ weird _ . Really, it’s not weird at all, and he’s going to stick by that. 

He checks the group chat as he curls up, sees that everyone has agreed to give him another couple hours on his own, and he feels a swell of appreciation for his members. There's no message about catching him in the dorm, and some of the tension seeps out of his shoulders. He sends some memes into the chat as appropriate, and sets an alarm to get up and switch his sheets into the dryer, but otherwise lets himself drift and try not to think about the conversation he needs to have with Lix.

Chris wakes up to Lix covering him with a blanket. He doesn't know how long it's been, but he's ninety percent sure he conked out and completely missed his alarm to move his sheets in the dryer because of the one-two combo of his really good orgasm and curling up in Lix's bed. He watches them for a second, eyes barely open, and can’t help thinking that Lix looks fond as they arrange the blanket over his body.

"...Hey."

Lix jerks back at being caught. "Oh hey. You can go back to sleep."

He pouts and makes grabby hands at Lix, the same way Lix sometimes does when they want cuddles. It works after a few seconds, and he's glad to have Lix curling into his side. In soft, sleepy (and maybe a little anxious English) he asks, "It's not gonna be weird, right? That you heard-" 

Lix shakes their head and responds in equally hushed English. "It doesn't have to be. I know that orgasms make people say things they might not usually."

Chris flushes and gives Lix a reflexive squeeze when he can’t immediately hide his face in his hands. "What if... What if... Okay Lix, hear me out." He repeats the same things a few times, stuttering and stumbling and not going anywhere with it. His voice fades to nothing as Lix shifts to sit up. Chris thinks that maybe Lix is going to leave, that they don’t want to deal with him failing to get his words out, but they just reach out and gently cup his face. 

"Chris. Breathe."

He sucks in a deep breath. Fuck he's embarrassing. He looks up at Lix, feeling so much like the big eye bottom emoji because of how big his feelings are with Lix’s hands on his cheeks, "I don't think I can talk if you look at me."

Lix nods their understanding. "Okay," they say softly and lie down again facing out into the room. They tug Chris close, let him snug up against their back as they pillow their cheek on Chris' bicep. 

It's a common cuddle position for the two of them, and Chris hides his face against the back of Lix's neck. "I know that you heard..." He takes a shaky breath and closes his eyes tight. If he can't see anything, he can get through this, right? "I said your name while I was... Y'know. And I know that everyone says that you can't have things you say in the moment held against you but... But what if I want it held against me?"

Lix makes a curious noise, rubs their cheek on Chris' bicep. 

"What if I... Lix," he breathes the name against the topmost bump of their spine. He takes a bracing breath, swallows hard. "I like you so, so much." There. He's said it. 

"I like you, too." Their voice is thick, and Chris tries not to read into it, tries not to get his hopes up.

He gives Lix another squeeze, holds them close with a hand just under their ribs. "I need... I need you to know." He feels silly, ridiculous as his stomach fills with butterflies as he summons the courage to make sure Lix  _ really _ knows. "I like-like you."

Lix giggles and tries to smother it against Chris' soft sweater covered bicep. "Silly Chris." They carefully lace their fingers with Chris' over their stomach. "I like-like you, too." 

"Noer," Chris whines, and is grateful that he's already hiding against Lix's neck as his cheeks and ears burn. "You do?"

"Mmmhmm." Lix squeezes their joined hands. "Have for a while."

"You never said."

Their voice is soft, careful as they reply, "You never gave me the chance." 

Chris knows they're right, that he really hasn't let himself entertain the idea that Lix might like him back. "I'm sorry about that."

Lix shrugs. "You've had good reasons." They lift their hand to tick the reasons off on their fingers. "Being our leader, being focused on making sure we all succeed, making music... And thinking that you're straight for a while there." 

He groans. "I know, I know. Denial is a helluva thing." The entire group was there when he finally acknowledged that yeah, he's not as straight as he kept saying he was - it had been a big night of revelations for a lot of them.

"You got better," Lix replies with a laugh, accent thick. "And I didn't mind waiting for you." 

Chris flushes, but on the inside, a blooming warmth in his chest. "Oh."

"Can I look at you now?"

He nods rapidly, nose dragging against the back of Lix's neck. 

Lix wiggles and twists until they're face to face with Chris. "Can I kiss you?"

"Please!" He knows he sounds too eager, too excited and needy and should probably be embarrassed for himself. He's not though, can't be when Lix's slightly chapped lips press against his own seconds later, their noses bumping a little until they adjust and share sweet, perfect little kisses. There's maybe a half dozen of them before Lix leans back to look at him.

"We can talk more in the morning." A yawn cuts a pause into their sentence. "Sleep?"

He gets halfway through a nod when his eyes widen. "My sheets!" 

"In the dryer. Switched them over for you before I came to check on you." 

His cheeks ache with how big he smiles. "Thank you."

Lix gives him another barely-a-touch kiss. "Welcome. Stay here tonight?" 

Chris nods. "If you don't mind."

"Pretty boy tells me he like-likes me and then thinks I'll kick him out of my bed." Lix playfully rolls their eyes. "Silly." 

"Silly for you," Chris coos, only a little obnoxious about it. It gets him another faint kiss before Lix cuddles closer and tucks their head under Chris' chin. "Like you."

"Like you, too," Lix murmurs around another yawn.

They cuddle for about half an hour, drifting toward sleep, when Lix whines about having to pee - which makes Chris realize that he should probably go before actually sleeping as well. And maybe brush his teeth, wash his face... They share the bathroom, taking turns when necessary to properly prepare for sleep - none of the other members make an appearance, and Chris is incredibly grateful for that. 

Chris and Lix tumble together in bed like they're meant to fit together. It's warm, and Chris ends up shedding his sweater to be a little more comfortable as Lix settles against his chest. It's easy to fall asleep then, their breathing syncing up and slowing, one of Chris' secrets finally off of his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/roxashighwind) if you want


End file.
